i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
