You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
