i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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