This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
