I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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