I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
