I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize