Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
