We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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