After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
