We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
