your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
