I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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