You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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