i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
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Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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