I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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