Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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