The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
