all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
