I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
