I must be too annoying 4 u.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
