i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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