apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
