dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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