Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
