apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
