i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
