Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
