My friends, they love my intelligence
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
