garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
