The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
