How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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