Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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