I am in a vortex of obligation.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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