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There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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