I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
