yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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