He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
