erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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