THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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