I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
