Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just pee around me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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