allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
