I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
