I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I love you.
Bad choice
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
