I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You made out with two different species that night
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
