Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
