I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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