We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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