the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
