"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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