be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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