brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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