There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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