she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
