We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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