he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
