1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
