Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
