Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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