At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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