They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Randomize
