There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
His hands were made for my vagina.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
