he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
