Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
