I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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