he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
