I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
