Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
