Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
