whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
