is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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