You smell like a Billy Joel song
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
