): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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