I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
