my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
