This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
